The Weighty Question

© J. Francois Barnard – 2 August 2025

I had a terrible encounter with Britain’s biggest liar last night.

Back home in South Africa, I’ve spent years rehabilitating our bathroom scale. It was a difficult relationship at first — full of denial, emotional outbursts, and silent treatments — but after much counselling (and some selective recalibration), we reached an understanding. These days, it only tells truths I can live with. We were happy.

But last night, I foolishly stepped onto a foreign scale — the one in my daughter’s Bristol bathroom. I approached it calmly, with an open heart and a closed stomach, and asked the age-old question: “How much?”

Its reply was swift. Brutal. And deeply dishonest.

The thing slapped on an extra four kilograms. Just like that. No warning. No gentle easing into the betrayal — just pure digital treachery. It didn’t even blink.

I stared at the numbers, horrified. “Excuse me?” I whispered, hoping it had made a mistake or perhaps slipped into Imperial measurements. But no — this scale was British through and through: polite on the outside, savage in private.

These Brits…

They queue nicely, make good tea, and smile while they destroy your self-esteem.